Not Today

The day has not risen yet, the hughes of pink and gold, layered by the thin horizontal clouds make this a beautiful morning with the meadow larks singing over each other20170329_191828

Two magpies ratting back and forth, seeming to argue over the next stick to layer their nest with.


I walk out of the house with heavy heart, my bay horse is beginning to face his final stages of his adventure here on earth, or at least so I think. His thirty third birthday will be this month.

I do not know what to expect when I reach the corral, my heart in my throat. I look over the fence and there he stands with eyes bright and head high. The horse he was yesterday is gone, of sullenness and pain. He walks to me with a mild limp to the gate and nickers. I had been up and down all night making sure that I do everything I can for him, well I guess for me. Am I ready to say goodbye?

I watch him move, my mind fills with all the memories of our twenty two years together, I smile at his stamina and energy of what today might bring. He looks over the corral fence at other horses in the pasture and nickers again. I understand, even though the vet said quiet time for him, I have never been one to hold a horse against his will. And I can’t stand to see him beg for open spaces and companionship. Our history is to long for that to start now, I cross the corral with my ole bay hot on my heals, I open the gate and turn him out. He brushes past me like he is going to go someplace,  I watch in silence, a tear runs down my cheek.

Then he stops and looks back at me, eyes bright and happy, a short hesitation, as if to say, “not today,” then with an arthritic hobble he heads to the herd.

I have to smile at the ole guys enthusiasm. Who am I to say when? And bind him to a place he never liked to be. I watch him be greeted by old friends, and Hitchie, bites him on the butt, as if to say, “where you been Old Man?”


Kid swung his head, then they settled to graze side by side.

I have to smile and reply, “Yes Sir… Not today.”


I dry my eyes and allow mother nature to be what she is and give the Kid the freedom to do what needs done, so when his time comes to say goodbye he can go like the horse he always has been. If he needs my assistance, I will have the strength to do so.  But not today.



I will hold you in my heart, not by stalls of isolation, I promise to do my part and honor our proclamation.

For you have given me wings when I wanted to fly, and hope and courage when I wanted to die.

So mingle with those of your equine kind, play and eat without boundaries to bind.

And I promise to remember all that we did, you taught me well my Crazy Rich Kid.


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