There are challenges that face us every day, that at times drive us close to insanity. Yet I think one of the biggest challenges is letting go of what we think is right for other people and focus on what is right in our own life.
I got to thinking of a few years ago how I thought I had a lot of things figured out in my life. I thought I needed to help all of those around me, almost render them helpless, giving advise on what I thought might help them achieve goals, then offering advice of how I would do it different…
Then wonder why I felt no one respected my ideas, when they were as plain as day to me. If they would only do it as I said…
Have you ever looked at a picture, and judged it by the shot. We have a tendancy to look at that picure and create a story.
Sometimes we can look at a snap shot of an issue and make a snap opinion, just from knowing what we know… but what do we really know? Are we judging from personal experience, or something that we heard? Do we have any idea how many opinions out there that think that they are right?
Let’s take public speaking for example… how many can walk on stage and give an ten minute impromptu speach? Yes or no? Or one of the hot topics in the horse world… to shoe or not to shoe that is the question. Who is right and why? I personally love a barefooted horse… but I have also rode in some very tough country, that had my horses not had shoes on, thier feet would of been sanded down to raw stubs.
I am not going to get into which way is right or wrong, my point is, we all have opinions on what we think is right by the experience we have had, that has created the law within our own mind, we now believe to be the truth, because we got through it. Ten different people have ten different truths and each person wants to express why their truth is the right one.
An example is I heard a friend had lied to another friend about feeding a horse… oh let’s say Maj and Bertha, so Maj feeds her horse every day at the same time, usually Bertha does too. But lately Bertha is not there to feed her horse and Maj notices for a week that Berthas horse has no feed when she is there. She even stayed an hour later to see if Birtha would show. Maj with boubt in her mind asks Bertha if she is feeding her horse. Bertha says “every day”. Maj doesnt believe it and thinks Bertha is lieing, she has proof… And tells me and a couple of friends what she noticed, pretty quick, things get out of hand and doubt about Bertha has escalated. Maj mind goes in overdrive on how unfair Bertha is to her horse. What would be your reaction the next time you see Bertha?
Well I see Bertha, I casually ask her how things are are going. “Good” Bertha said she got moved to temperary swing shift and feeds her horse before she goes home at midnight. She rides and feeds again just before work which is four hours earlier than she used to.. She actually is relieved for swing because she gets to ride in the cool of the morning .
What I have noticed is it seems that we get so busy jumping to conclusions and judging other people for things we think are right. Things we “think” we know, not nessisarily for the right reasons. Do you notice you keep yourself busy with other people, friends, because your own life is a mess and you don’t want to clean it up. You know…, kind of like it is a lot more fun spending other people’s money.
I think we have been taught to help others in need, but when we do so without facing the fact that we can assist but not do for them and render them helpless. I’ll ride that horse for you… basically you are saying… you can do it better, or, they can’t do it at all. I find it seems easier to help clean a friend’s house than clean up my own mess. Running from what I know I should do and focusing on others weakness or dilemma take my focus off myself and puts off what needs done in other areas
Finding ourself in situations of “did I ask for your opinion?”.
As we become more knowledgable about something we have a tendancy to want to share that knowledge even though we just learned it.
When you look at a judgement, call for what it really is. if we were to be honest, it would be to make sure to fulfill our own obligations to ourself and support those around us without judgement or enabling them. It can make a friendship stand true and solid. Or respect they have the strength to overcome the same obsticals that you have. If there are questions we can support and answer in a respectful way.
I think it is hard to stand back and watch someone stuggle to make a change in their life… I feel there is a fine line of facing challenges with support , or having someone do it for you because it is easier and it gets the job done.. I counted on my sister for her decisions and had her opinion make up my mind, then told her it didn’ work out to my expectation. Hmmm wonder why, but wait I wasn’ done with her, I then preceeded to tell her why it didn’ work.
What?! I told her, that I looked it up on line and…
Hmmm! Two months later we laugh about it!
Usually I get my best information from those who are more reserved, ones that make me search for the answer. For when I find it, I know I have truly found what works for me.
I weigh out my options and listen to what fits me without judgement on the person who gave me infornation. Well I try… Sometimes I only hear what I want to or what I understand, then make that my new knowledg with different insight. To make that knowledg become habit… well that’ another story.